There's something about a guy who doesn't give you everything willingly. Having to work for something is attractive. It's enticing. But in all honesty, who wants to beg to be wanted when they are never really going to be wanted at all?
Vulnerability is a powerful thing. And it's hard to share with someone, at least for me. In my mind- I know it's never going to work with an asshole. He's never going to like me. Even if he did, I wouldn't date him. And it's like I get to have a crush, but I don't have to be vulnerable. I'm super independent. I take care of myself. I get uncomfortable when guys open doors for me. I don't like to accept help from anyone. I prefer to do things on my own, like I always have.
As women, it's important to realize that we are worthy without a relationship. I'm a firm believer in self-exploration and being a person...not an expectation. But what happens when we are ready to love? What happens when we are ready to be loved? Nice Guys. That's what we want at this point. We've experienced the love of assholes...and we're over it. Because strong women will always outgrow an asshole...every time.
Bad guys don't open doors. They don't want to talk about you- they want to talk about them. They are more interested in getting in your pants than knowing your passions. And there are a TON of them. Nice guys open doors. They ask how your day was and mean it. They want to know your favorite things and future plans, with no hidden agenda. And for some reason, they are totally sparse. Seriously? Where are they?
Nice guys are where we've always kept them. At a distance.
A wise friend once gave me some great dating advice. She very bluntly stated that I am too superficial when it comes to guys. I'm all about looks and perfection. "You can't not give him a chance just because his second toe is longer than his big one." I think those were close to her exact words. It makes me giggle, but it's really true. Small details and faults and weird quirks aren't on my list. I have to find a balance between keeping my high standards and compromising. Not settling. But compromising.
I know that I'm not ready to have a boyfriend. I don't know if I'll ever be ready. I don't want to be committed. I want to travel. Explore. And be independent. I won't aspire to marriage or motherhood. It's not what I want. So- friends, I say to you... find out what you want. Think about it. And once you know, you'll find a way to get it.
Don't give up hope. Those nice guys- they are out there. They just may not have Ryan Gosling's abs or perfect looks. They may not be as swift and alluring as an ass. But they will love you for every imperfectly perfect part of your being. And I can't wait until the day that you meet your soul mate. Because I know how much you deserve to have the door held open for you. I know how much you deserve to be complimented and loved. I know how much you deserve to be fought for and supported. I know how much you deserve a nice guy. And I want you to know it, too.
Remember, "Beauty is discovered. Not planned."
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