I confess. I'm that friend. I am the boyfriend hater. We all know the type of person who never gives approval no matter what. It seems like an impossible, frustrating task to acquaint said boyfriend with said "boyfriend hating friend"- AKA me. And because I hate on the boyfriends, the boyfriends usually hate back. But hear me out on this one.
In my close knit group of friends I proudly serve the role as protector. These people are awesome, and I NEVER want to see them get hurt. That said, I will do everything in my power to prevent any unnecessary casualties if I can sense them coming.
Step 1: The Warning.
This is when you usually sit your bestie down and try to talk some serious talk into her/him. I pull out all the stops on this one.
- "He's not worth it."
- "You're way too good for him."
- "He doesn't treat you the way you should be treated."
- "He talks down to you."
- "I don't have a good feeling about him."
- "Why are you putting up with this?"
Step 2: Plan B.
This is when I describe in detail situations in which this terrible "other half" acted completely awful. I then try to let it sink in and give them time to reflect. Usually it's around this time when I question if I'm being too tough on my bestie. I mean- love is a crazy thing, and I don't think any of us really know how to handle it.
Step 3: Acceptance.
At this point- your BFF has heard your opinions/suggestions. And now it's up to them to make a decision. Either they break up or they don't. Usually they don't. And I used to be really upset when this happened. I felt like I wasn't being heard. I felt like what I thought didn't matter. But recently, I've developed a different take on it all. See, I've never been in love. Very hypocritical of me, huh? And to me- it's all very cut and dry. You hurt her...so she should leave. I mean, when someone hurts your best friend in the whole world, all you can think about is how to make it all better. Sometimes, though.. I can't make it better. And I have to remind myself that I respect my friends. And I trust them to make decisions that feel right in their hearts. Even if it doesn't seem right to me.
Step 4: Support.
Friendships don't work if your friends can't share every part of their lives with you. I've had moments in friendships when my friends express they feel they can't share things about their love life because they know how much I hate the boyfriend. And this makes me sad. I don't ever want a friend to feel they cannot come to me, for fear of judgement. This became a pattern in my life, so I decided to change. I've come to a very clear conclusion: not everyone is Kelsie Long. This means that people will handle situations differently than I would. It means people love differently than I do. And it means that not everyone holds the same views that I have. And that's okay. At the end of the day, I love my best friends with every part of me. I will protect them, guide them, and love them until the day I die. But I also need to trust them. And if they end up with a broken heart, well, I will be knocking on that broken hearted door with movies and ice cream.
No one has it all figured out. But we don't have to. Because great relationships make for happy futures. And bad ones make for irreplaceable learning experiences. Either way- it all will be fine. So, I hereby retire my title as boyfriend hater. Now I like to think of myself as, working on it.
Step 3: Acceptance.
At this point- your BFF has heard your opinions/suggestions. And now it's up to them to make a decision. Either they break up or they don't. Usually they don't. And I used to be really upset when this happened. I felt like I wasn't being heard. I felt like what I thought didn't matter. But recently, I've developed a different take on it all. See, I've never been in love. Very hypocritical of me, huh? And to me- it's all very cut and dry. You hurt her...so she should leave. I mean, when someone hurts your best friend in the whole world, all you can think about is how to make it all better. Sometimes, though.. I can't make it better. And I have to remind myself that I respect my friends. And I trust them to make decisions that feel right in their hearts. Even if it doesn't seem right to me.
Step 4: Support.
Friendships don't work if your friends can't share every part of their lives with you. I've had moments in friendships when my friends express they feel they can't share things about their love life because they know how much I hate the boyfriend. And this makes me sad. I don't ever want a friend to feel they cannot come to me, for fear of judgement. This became a pattern in my life, so I decided to change. I've come to a very clear conclusion: not everyone is Kelsie Long. This means that people will handle situations differently than I would. It means people love differently than I do. And it means that not everyone holds the same views that I have. And that's okay. At the end of the day, I love my best friends with every part of me. I will protect them, guide them, and love them until the day I die. But I also need to trust them. And if they end up with a broken heart, well, I will be knocking on that broken hearted door with movies and ice cream.
No one has it all figured out. But we don't have to. Because great relationships make for happy futures. And bad ones make for irreplaceable learning experiences. Either way- it all will be fine. So, I hereby retire my title as boyfriend hater. Now I like to think of myself as, working on it.
No comments:
Post a Comment