My Tinder Experiment.

Guilty.

I downloaded the infamous Tinder app. And it's everything everyone said it would be. 

Turns out-- my virtual love life isn't any more exciting than my real life one. But my Tinder experience brought some clear realizations to the table.

The ultimate question-- why did I join? Well, as many college students can vouch for-- I'm super busy, like all the time. If there's a day when I have an hour of free time to watch Sex and the City re-runs, that's a really good day! But in the midst of the business-- I've lost my flirt. And I was on a mission to get it back.

I rarely "put myself out there". Fear of rejection has ruled a lot of my decision making these past few years, and I'm tired of living life with "what if's" running through my head. So, I decided to take charge of my love life and get back in the dating game.

If you're not familiar with Tinder, the premise is actually pretty dumb. It's purely based off of looks and a short bio. I'm against superficiality and judgement, but my curiosity led me to pursue this app. If someone finds you attractive, they swipe right. If they don't, they swipe left. And if you both swipe right-- it's a match... well- uhh- kind of.

As many of my close friends know, I'm a huge fan of firemen. There's something heroic about it, and it's extremely attractive. So, when I came across a cute firefighter... I couldn't resist. Right swiping happened. And I decided to message him first. This was nerve racking! I don't flirt. But with the help of a totally awesome friend-- I ended up coming up with a flirty yet respectable opening. His bio playfully stated that he like to play with fire, so I thought it was appropriate to ask...."So, you like to play with fire?"

This jump started a descent conversation. He asked me about me. I asked him about him. Nothing serious. Just a little "get to know you" game. Then, I got scared. So in the middle of our descent conversation I said something like, "Okay! Well, good luck with your schooling and firefighting! :)"

Basically-- I told him to have a good life. Wow, Kelsie. Way to ruin a good thing before it even gets started. And that's when I realized something about myself--- when something is going good, I'm so terrified of it going bad... that I have to end it while it's still good. I've taught myself that it's better to leave before you're dumped.

This is a pattern in my life. Getting scared of the possibility of love and ending it. Keeping myself at a distance. Not letting anyone truly inside my world. Protecting my heart with armor so thick, not even the Rock himself could break through it. But why? Why am I so scared of being loved? Is it because I'm so comfortable with being alone? Or is it because the thought of someone changing the dynamic of my life is too risky? Man. I ask a lot of questions. 

I know this seems kind of deep. And it is! There are problems we are going to recognize about ourselves. Problems that hinder us in our daily lives. And it's our job to get to the heart of them...literally.

After over thinking everything, I decided to try to stop putting up walls. I decided that there is no harm in talking to someone. And if they don't have an interest in me, or stop talking to me first, the world will still rotate on its axis.

It was freeing.

I decided I liked firefighter man. And I attempted to recover from my shut down. He replied back! *throws hand in air like Judd Nelson at the end of the Breakfast Club*

I'm just having fun. I'm not putting expectations on this. And if all is lost, at least I can check "talk to a cute firefighter" off of my bucket list!

In the meantime, it's pretty entertaining to see some of the pictures guys will put of themselves on there. I'm just saying, any mirror pics are an immediate swipe left. I don't know what I have against them, but they're just a "no-no".

While I continue on continuing on, mirror pic judging and all-- I hope you won't be afraid to try something new. Don't be a wall builder. But if you are a wall builder (like me)... I hope you find a wonderful soul to help you knock them down. 

You're awesome! And you're worth dating! *sending good dating vibes your way*

May you have a tinderlicious day!